Anxiety Through the Magnifying Glass: A Reflection on Self-Discovery During the Pandemic

Navigating the turbulent ups and downs of the Coronacoaster.

Andreea Cristea

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Feelings as anxious as David must be by being naked all the time.

Perhaps the scariest thing about this pandemic is finally getting the stillness and quiet we need to reconnect with our fears and insecurities 24/7.
And maybe that is the best part too. Facing the music and learning the dance can transform us into better opponents, far better equipped to face the things we were so used to fearing.

Who would have thought that last year when we all wished for a better next one we would get this? I can assure you — not me. I am a weird hybrid of both annoying optimism and dreadful pessimism, and on top of all that, add a handful of sarcasm and just a dash of excitement, and you are still not close to the utter shock I was in when I saw 2020 going off script, like a mad conductor altering every note at the premiere, confusing its orchestra and audience.

And because things were not bad enough as they were, every ad that targeted me during the beginning of this lovely pandemic had something to do with mindfulness and everything else I was not capable of practising. So I suggest we crown the word “meditation” as this year’s most frequently used word, regardless of the context, and just go home.

People did it everywhere; I surely know I d̶i̶d̶ tried. Breathing exercises, guided meditation, beginner’s yoga classes, sleep stories, and all with the aid of technology. I used technology to help me use less technology because that is who I have become as a person. Reborn like a phoenix during challenging times. (Can you smell the b̶u̶l̶l̶s̶h̶i̶t̶ roses yet?) Anyhow, everything you might have read about, I tried it.
But looking back at the last 9 to 10 months -and this could be a highly unpopular opinion and way out of my pessimistic character, but still - it wasn’t all bad, personally. I was lucky enough to have my friends and family healthy, and my job unaffected.

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Andreea Cristea

Spinning words and crafting stories 🫶🏻. I write about creative processes, mental health, and books.